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Jack never really apologized to Will about anything. But we’ll let him get on with it…
Warning: Entirely from inside Jack’s head, with no mediation from me at all,
so you might get a bit woozy.
Jack’s Apology
“I realize how difficult it must be for you to understand why I neglected to tell you about your father’s miraculous cure from the Aztec gold curse. It must be, well, nigh unforgivable in your eyes, and if I may interject a personal observation into the proceedings, I would add that your eyes are without doubt the most beautiful eyes I have ever had the pleasure of looking into.”
Beautiful, melting chocolate eyes, so soulful, so emotional. And a little bit dewy. Uh, oh.
“Don’t give me that look, Will. That hurt look. Please, you promised to listen.”
Oh, there’s the brow crease. I wonder if I lick it, will it go away or will it deepen? Either way, what joy.
“Only to stop you from mooning at me when I was trying to work. It’s becoming an embarrassment, Jack. All the other pirates are laughing at me.”
Mooning. I’ll admit to that.
“Who laughs at you? I’ll have them drawn and… oh, right. No special treatment. You don’t need my protection, eh? Big, strong lad like you can take care of yourself. Big, strong, muscular… really Will, what have you been doing these past two years? Your shoulders are just so broad and your forearms are…”
The veins pop out when he works hard, and there’s nothing more tantalizing than seeing Will Turner pulling a rope with his sleeves rolled up. I love watching his hands grasp the really thick ropes, seeing how strong they are, watching the muscles in his forearms bulge. And when he has to brace himself to pull hard his thigh muscles strain against his trousers. If I’m really lucky, I’m standing behind him.
“I’ve been working long hours trying to forget you.”
But you had to keep working, didn’t you? because you couldn’t forget me.
“Ah, yes. Hmmm, well, sorry I was distracted for a moment there by your body.”
Which I’m afraid I shall have to completely ignore for the time being if I’m ever to apologize properly. Must get this apology over with so we can move on to the forgiveness phase.
“So, where was I? Your father. Yes, I ran into your father, quite literally, on a little island west of here. I could take you there now, but I’d rather wait until we know we aren’t being pursued by your Commodore Norrington.”
Can’t let the Commodore take me away now, not when you’re so close, we’re so close.
“He’s not my Commodore!”
I should say not. You have a Pirate Captain. Everyone knows that beats a Commodore any day, and you, my dear, sweet boy, are a winner.
“Quite right. As I was saying, and if you would cease interrupting I could tell you about your father in an all the more timely fashion. I ran into your father and he told me about how he survived the curse.”
While I was thinking about kissing him, but I won’t say that out loud.
“I know all that. The other pirates told me.”
Blabbermouths. Bloody pirates, you tell something to one of them and soon everyone on the ship knows it. There are no secrets. And I so wanted to be the one to tell him.
“Right you are. So William, your father, took me home and introduced me to his wife, Tessie, Anamaria’s mother.”
With whom he is in love. Which is a tragedy and a blessing at the same time.
“I know that too.”
Getting a little irritating, that.
“Well what don’t you know?”
Come on, challenge me!
“Why you didn’t tell me right away that my father was alive!”
Damn. I knew he would ask that.
“Oh, that. Well, it’s complicated. There are a lot of factors and variables and the like. Chains of events, that sort of thing. That being said, I feel the best course of action is honesty. Partially because so many good people say it is the best policy.”
But more importantly because it worked so well before. And for it to work, I really need to have you looking me in the eye, and not staring at the floor as if you want it to swallow you whole. Not that I wouldn’t like to swallow you whole.
All in due time.
“It had better be a good reason, Jack.”
Good reason. If you mean logical, defensible, and understandable I may be in serious trouble.
“You.”
You were so luscious and sexy and tempting and perfect.
“Me?”
You.
“Will, I went to find you. Don’t say ‘I know that’, I know you know. Listen.”
How on earth do you make your eyes go so wide and dark? I swear you’re enchanted. You’re enchanting. I can’t afford to make another mistake.
“When I mentioned your father, I did think of him, and it was callous, terribly callous of me to make a comparison. Wait, don’t leave, let me finish.”
You see, you got up to leave, and me having to grab your arm to keep you from leaving, that just gets me all flustered. I’m just going to have to spit it out.
“It was lust, at first. I saw how much you resembled your dad, and I missed him. But it wasn’t only that - it’s more than that. I was attracted to all of you, Will. Not only the parts of you that’re like your father.”
If only I could separate them in my mind.
“And the more time I spent with you, watching you, I was overwhelmed by lust. I’m not proud and it’s not an easy thing to admit, but I was a slave to my lust.”
Of course, I really wanted you to be a slave to my lust, but we’ll get to that later.
“Frankly, Will, when you chose Elizabeth I was crushed. I tried to move on, but thoughts of you plagued me, haunted me, kept me awake at night.”
I almost wore out my wrist, I was thinking about you so often.
“And when Tessie told me you weren’t married to Elizabeth I was ecstatic. I thought there was some chance. So I rushed to Port Royal to find you, to tell you everything. But you weren’t there and I was, seriously, in agony. I told you that already, and you can’t possible fault me for going to a whorehouse when you were there too.”
Even if you were running out of the room in terror and I was preparing for a thoroughly satisfying session.
“But I didn’t do anything, you can ask Charlotte!”
Charlotte. Oh, why had that hussy decided she wanted to stay on my ship? And why did I allow it? To make Anamaria happy, that’s why. I need to keep Anamaria happy so she’ll keep her big mouth shut. Gibbs was furious about having another woman on board, and the crew is practically salivating, but Anamaria’s keeping the strumpet all to herself. And Will actually struck up a friendship with the girl, once he stopped blushing. Not that I mind when Will’s blushing. In fact, I’m quite partial to it.
“I know you didn’t, and neither did I because the moment I saw you I wanted only you.”
That night and every night.
“That’s all very flattering Jack, but it still doesn’t explain…”
Do I have to spell everything out for you?
“Will, I saw you and all thoughts of your father fled my mind. I could only see you, only think of you, only desire you. I forgot to tell you. I planned to but you took my breath away. And these past few days at sea, being so close to you, hearing your voice, that’s been torture enough. Please punish me no further.”
Or punish me all you like, as long as I get to touch you. Oh, look, he’s licking his lips. Wish he was licking my lips. He’s running his hand through his hair. Wish I could run my hand through his hair. Is that a good sign? He won’t look at me. And the brow crease is deepening. Try to look honest, Jack, in case he looks up. He’s looking up.
“I understand.”
Understand what?
“I understand how you forgot, how you got carried away. I did too.”
Excellent.
“That doesn’t necessarily mean I forgive you.”
Damn.
“But, Jack, I’m willing to put it behind us. But first, I have to tell you the reason I didn’t marry Elizabeth.”
Please let it be me!
Next: Chapter 20 Confession
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